Did I get a Visit

 I was just on my way home from work when a over powering smell of flowers flowed through my car . It was not there 2 seconds before that . My air freshener has long since stopped smelling. I am pretty sure my mom came to visit. Her favorite thing was flowers and that is exactly what I smelled. Next month it will be 3 years since she passed and this is the first sign that I have noticed that she is near me. It filled me with so much peace and calm. Feelings that I have not felt in such a long time. It has taken me so long to come to terms with her passing. She was my best friend, she never judged me ( even though there is so much to judge in my past) she helped me get clean. She made me want to be a better person. When she was sick , I would have done anything to keep her here with me but at the end of the day the 70 lb shell of a person was not her anymore. I have waited 3 years to get a sign that she visited me and to be honest it upset me that she has not before now. I wonder if she is trying to tell me something.  today, well yesterday since it is now 2 am was fathers day .I did not call my father, just as I did not call him last month for his birthday. I am struggling with this relationship. It hurts so bad. To think that maybe something could happen to him and we have this non relationship. We used to be so close. My using, lying , asking for money over and over killed it. Even though I have been clean for 5 years. He lives so far away, he can't see how far I have become. last time i spoke to him he said we could be cordial . really??? who says that to their daughter, I am going to write him a letter , that has to be easier than hearing the hate in his voice.  wow I totally went off topic there .What a first  blog entry .lol 

later , 

S 

xxoo